Rope jams are spaces where you can develop your skills as a rope top and/or bottom, mingle with like-minded people and absorb the life-giving energy created by ropey shenanigans. They’re also a way to create community under a shared ethos and set of rules upheld by those who participate. Reasonably then, a successful rope jam is as much about the organizers as it is about the people attending. As more fledgling rope communities pop up all over the world, understanding the foundations of a great rope jam is going to be integral to the safety and enjoyment of these spaces. If you’re just starting out as a host for social shibari events and rope jams, consider this your epic rope jam checklist.
Figure out what you can actually manage
Do you want your rope jams to be about practicing the basics, or more advanced ties? Do you want your jams to include real play rather than just practice? Are there additional practices besides rope (for example, impact play or needles) that you feel comfortable accepting and managing the risks of in your space?
Illustration by Silky You don’t need to wait until you are highly skilled to host a practice session, but you do need to clearly communicate to anyone who joins what your skill level is and what you are able to reasonably take responsibility for. Treat higher-risk activities in the space with the respect and caution that they deserve. For example, we don’t allow neck rope at our rope jams, or suspensions by people we haven’t seen tie before. We do feel comfortable hosting play, but only after any instructional portion of the evening is concluded.
Treat higher-risk activities in the space with the respect and caution that they deserve… We don’t allow neck rope at our rope jams, or suspensions by people we haven’t seen tie before.
Set your rules according to what you are able to manage. Hold steady to these rules and hold attendees accountable if they don’t adhere to them. Communicate your rules at the start of every jam, so that everyone is on the same page. These are the rope jam rules that we communicate ahead of every jam. Your rules should reflect what you, personally, are able to be responsible for, so your personal risk profile should lead the way.
Get organized
If you’re going to post your event link up on FetLife (it’s like Kinky MySpace, for those who have never heard of it), Facebook or Instagram, thoroughly communicate what the space is for, what the rules are and who is organizing and responsible. Try to get as much information out ahead of time to avoid too much back and forth in your DMs. Consider using a ticketing platform, so that you don’t need to give your personal banking details out to get paid for hosting the event. If you’re hosting a free jam, consider using a website like Calendly to manage registrations. Just having a booking link limits a lot of back-and-forth with attendees!
Find the right setting for your rope jam…
Finding a space to practice rope in can be tricky. If you are doing pop-up jams as opposed to renting a dedicated venue long-term, this can be especially hard. Before we had our own venue, we shared the address of spaces only after ticket purchase. This made things a little safer for us, as well as easier to manage on the day. It also limits any potential reputational damage to the venue that is hosting you.
Before we had our own venue, we shared the address of spaces only after ticket purchase. This made things a little safer for us, as well as easier to manage on the day.
Make sure that the venue is comfortable as well as functional. A nice lounging area will allow people to hang around a little longer and build relationships. Look for venues that are accessible (for example, wheelchair ramps and accessible toilets) because everyone deserves to be able to practice this art form.
…And then create the right ambiance
Think about mood lighting: for the first half of our jams, where we give some tuition on the basics, we tend to have the ‘big lights’ on so that we can see what we are doing. When the tuition portion of the evening has concluded, we switch over to mood lighting. It’s a really nice way to signal that learning time is over and playtime begins.
This shift in intention from more dedicated practice to informal tying can also be aided by the choice of music. We like lo-fi beats for calm concentration in learning spaces, and more sensual or energetic music for spaces with a playful or erotic energy.
Illustration by Silky Provide learning materials
What information do you feel good about sharing in the space? What books, photographs, films and podcasts resonate with you? It’s helpful to share your inspiration with those in your space. Do caution attendees about trying to replicate what they see in photographs. Not all photographs feature sustainable ties, and many an injury has resulted from trying to replicate a tie in a photograph!
Have fun and be creative!
Consider themes for your jams. Our most popular jam is a beginner-friendly flower jam, where we provide flowers for people to use in their ties. It’s so fun and creative to place the flowers just so between the lines of your carefully constructed harnesses. There is something almost reverential about it.
Think about prompts that you can give folks to deepen their expression in rope. For example, we like to share an exercise wherein attendees tie/are tied in the same harness – whatever they prefer, as long as it’s only one rope. Attendees are given a series of optional prompts to transmit different emotions or intents (for a variation on this, try out Lief and Icky’s Feelings Game ). We encourage tops and bottoms in this exercise to discuss whether the top’s intended energy is the energy that landed for the bottom. This is a very interesting exercise and it always yields fresh perspectives on tying.
Think about prompts that you can give folks to deepen their expression in rope.
One jam, I also had the excellent idea (if I do say so myself) of introducing a game of ‘Rope Twister’ wherein a spinning wheel was loaded with different body parts (ankle, thigh, booty crease, fingers, mouth, etc.) and wherever the needle lands is where the rope needs to go next. It’s fascinating to see the ties and positions that folks come up with – all totally different, although starting at the same point and using the same prompts. It’s a really fun way to practice rope flow (in other words, spontaneous, unstructured tying as opposed to tying patterns).
Connect with others and cross-pollinate
Feel like you need inspiration for jams? Reach out to other event hosts and ask for their advice and input. Join the Shibari Study Discord to meet people all over the world – crowdsourcing ideas can be really fun and illuminating! We learned about a fun exercise from hua hua wherein a bottom is blindfolded or has their eyes closed and three or four tops each apply a rope to the bottom (all with the bottom’s consent and within pre-negotiated boundaries, of course). Afterwards, the bottom needs to guess who applied which rope. It’s so fun and a little disorienting (in the best way) – my guesses are always incorrect!
Illustration by Silky Be aware of your power as the organizer
This last point is a more profound one. People are complex and adding a bunch of people together in a room, no matter the context, can lead to interesting dynamics. When you are a space-holder or event organizer, people start treating you differently to everyone else. You can more easily access new people to tie with, and people assume that you are safe. Obviously, this dynamic is ripe for abuse. It’s important to communicate to new partners that you hold this position, and that getting involved with you carries risk. They might lose any sense of comfort in attending the only rope jam in their area if things end badly between you. It’s important to hold the responsibility of space-holding with care and patience.
Building community around the practice of rope bondage has been one of the most difficult and simultaneously most rewarding pursuits in my life. Remember to have fun with it. Use jams as a fertile ground to allow for the exploration of new ideas and sensations, all within your risk profile as an organizer. Stand firm in your ethos, create the space that you want to see, and before long, beautiful rope scenes will unfurl all around you. You’ve got this!
