Playing In The Dark

In this discussion and demo, Bondagious and Thumper explore a nuanced approach to consent in shibari, designed to address the many complex sides of play that don’t fit into more binary models. Our experiences in rope bondage are rarely as neatly categorized as “good” or “bad”. Some are unexpected but enjoyable, others challenging but welcome, and others still asked for and then entirely overwhelming. As Bondagious and Thumper explain, the “enthusiastic informed consent” model may be Kink 101, but it assumes our desires will always be transparent and easy to articulate. Their question: What lies in the shadows, and how can we expand our approach to consent to move beyond the moralistic and into more ambiguous spaces? Enter <slowly, and with caution> “playing in the dark”. In the introductory discussion, Bondagious and Thumper offer a four-quadrant consent model designed to avoid categorizations of “positive” or “negative”, and instead based on whether elements of a scene are “invited/uninvited” and “welcome/unwelcome”. In the delightfully titled ‘How to be gross without being gross’ class, the pair delve deeper into the limitations of conventional consent models. Additionally, they discuss how we can think about and mindfully begin to “fuck around and find out” when it comes to those elements that are unknown, unnameable, or unconscious. In the rope session, playing in the dark takes a turn for the literal with a tying exercise focused on trusting without seeing, without knowing and without a clear idea of the outcome. Finally, they offer a debrief on their blindfolded tying session, circling back to the themes of “invited/uninvited” and “welcome/unwelcome” and how they showed up in the tie. This course is suitable for all levels. Keep in mind that exploring consent in this way may only come into play as your shibari practice progresses or as your rope partnerships deepen. There’s nothing wrong with sticking to enthusiastic informed consent if that’s best for your dynamic. * Captions available for this series: English