Hindsight is 20:20, right? Looking back on the launch of this blog, it feels like a great time to take a little perspective and reflect on the insights we’ve gained so far. Where we find ourselves is the amalgamation of where we have been and the steps we have taken in between, and a moment of quiet reflection can bring with it varied and diverse emotions. Often, the same types of thoughts and feelings can apply to our rope journeys.
In my own journey learning rope, I was primarily self taught, and on reflection, one of my biggest regrets was not knowing early on how much I could have benefited from continuous ongoing one-on-one tuition with a single tutor. There’s absolutely nothing ‘wrong’ with being self taught – for many people, this is the only way they are able to learn ropes, connecting with online communities and resources like Shibari Study, and putting together knowledge for themselves, far away from any established local rope scenes. My partner and I sought tuition for some key aspects, such as learning suspension, but the reality is 90 percent of what we learned in the first six years was entirely self taught.
Yet, over the last two years, we have grown and progressed in a very different way, and part of me wishes that we had done so earlier in our journey; wonders if we might have discovered things sooner. Yet, on the contrary, our practice might have been less diverse than it is now, or we might have learned slower for not making our own mistakes along the way.
Over the last two years, we have grown and progressed in a very different way, and part of me wishes that we had done so earlier in our journey; wonders if we might have discovered things sooner.
For everybody, reflection is different and rather than just giving my perspective, I sought to learn from the wealth of knowledge represented on the Shibari Study Discord community , canvassing opinions from the many wonderful members that contribute there on a daily basis, sharing their skills, experience and opinions. The contributions below come from a variety of tops, bottoms, switches and self tiers, newbies, intermediates and tenured rope folks with skills and experiences as diverse and varied as the people attached to them.
I hope that in presenting these different perspectives, we not only share with the world of rope some thoughts and considerations for those starting on their journey, but also how diverse and individualistic the experience of rope can be. There are no right or wrong answers to the prompt of ‘one thing I wish I knew when I started rope bondage’; there are only experiences, and here are some for you to enjoy.
Bodies in rope
‘As a rope top , it was quite an eye opener getting tied and feeling the painful spots, tensions, annoyances, tingles and pinches. I am now 100 percent more aware of these details with my rope bottoms and this has led me to becoming a better rope top overall.’ – Ridgeback
‘One thing I wish I knew at the start of my rope journey is how little I knew about anatomy and how to go about finding resources to educate myself…’
Illustration by Jo La Patouille ‘One thing I wish I knew at the start of my rope journey is how little I knew about anatomy and how to go about finding resources to educate myself around those aspects. Though I found how to find the information I need now, it would have been nice to understand that when I first started. This is not to imply that I entered into ropes without safety and risk aversion but to highlight how accessible the information I wanted and needed was, if only I knew how to find it at the time.’ – RopesAndIron
‘I wish someone had said to me, “You're disabled. You won't be able to do everything you want to do in rope, both as a rigger and the bottom, but that shouldn't stop you from doing it at all. Accommodations can be made, tricks can be learnt. You deserve a space here, just like anyone else.”’ – HenrikWL
Emotions and expression in rope
‘I wish someone had really told me about drop , and also told me it's not only subs or rope bottoms that experience drop. I very recently told my partner they were looking like they might have one, and I suddenly realized I was experiencing quite a big drop too, and I’ve actually had little ones extremely often after tying.’ – Clo
‘I wish I knew that I am allowed to be an active bottom and bring movement to the scene, and that this floaty, going-into-oneself rope space is not the ultimate goal for all rope and that it's more fun this way for me. Previously, when I saw rope stuff (pictures, performances and so forth), it always seemed to me like all the bottoms went the sensual, meditative way into rope space and that this has to be the absolute goal for everyone. I am just not that type of bottom! I love to interact and to have a dialogue so much more, and my partner does too! We both love dynamic stuff, especially dynamic partial suspensions that are more like a dance (he leads, I follow, but I can decide how to follow, and sometimes also decide to not follow and be bratty). In the end, for me it's about presence, to fully be in the moment and with my partner, creating something together and feeling each other in so many different ways.’ – Canalynx
‘I wish somebody had told me how much connectivity, sensuality, intimacy, joy, and meditative quality can be found in the torturous, vicious, sadistic side of rope…’
Illustration by Jo La Patouille ‘I wish somebody had told me how much connectivity, sensuality, intimacy, joy, and meditative quality can be found in the torturous, vicious, sadistic side of rope and, really, in BDSM generally. It's blown my mind to experience the intense closeness and affection that develops when we play that way.’ – Starshard
‘I was surprised to experience a new kind of intimacy through rope that feels different from both friendships and also romantic connections. Rope very much feels like a relationship anarchist activity to me. This may be true of (non-sexual) kink in general, but rope is where I've personally experienced it most.’ – pacifist
Soft skill sharing
‘I wish I'd known that you don’t need to have specific harnesses or patterns or lots of technical details dialed to be able to work on connective or emotive tying and rope handling and body manipulation skills on the ground. Practice these ‘soft’ skills early on without the added challenge of a specific pattern or building something suspension-worthy, and they'll be easier to incorporate later. Floorwork is so valuable!’ – Dandelion
‘There's so much hand-wringing about “ready for suspension” but communicating with a partner with the rope, with no obvious pattern? Oof!’
Illustration by Jo La Patouille ‘One thing I wish I knew was that freeform floor rope is actually the hardest thing to do well. Anyone can put someone in a boring suspension or partial if they can do a lock-off safely and tie a pattern. But sexy freeform floorwork ? With clear intention, fluidity, and body handling? It’s so hard. There's so much hand-wringing about “ready for suspension” but communicating with a partner with the rope, with no obvious pattern? Oof!’ – caprica_six
‘To choose a rope partner, someone told me they wouldn’t have a rope session with someone they wouldn’t hug happily. I’ve been asking myself this after every negotiation since.’ – queerbaku
Technical tips
‘I wish I spent more time in the beginning learning good rope handling. Concepts like hooking and pulling versus “pushing” rope. I’m still in the process of unlearning bad habits.’ – LooseMinded
‘I wish I spent more time in the beginning learning good rope handling... I’m still in the process of unlearning bad habits.’
Illustration by Jo La Patouille ‘Only one thing? Tension. It can’t be taught online or via books, as it's something you need to feel. It’s important with the rope on the body, but also maintaining it with the working end while you continue to tie. Too many times I’ve seen people tie a single column for a thigh or an ankle cuff, and then drop the working end to do something else. When you pick that line back up, the column has moved and the tension is gone.’ – Knotigan
‘I wish I’d known how different (and difficult) it can be to tie the same knot on someone when they change position, for example, laying down versus standing up.’ – cheshirek
On looking back… and looking ahead
For those who may be discovering this article at the beginning of their journey, I hope that this shows how broad and varied people's individual experiences of rope can be. One of the key principles of this blog is not to bring a homogenized perspective of rope, or only present ‘our’ opinion, but to highlight the diversity of the rope experience. In bringing these opinions to a more public platform, I hope that people find something that resonates with them and influences their onward journey too. Wishing you happy tying!
Shibari Study members can read the full conversation over in our Discord Community. If you want to share your ‘one thing’, then why not use it in the Introductions channel as a way of introducing yourself to the community ?
